After what had happened he just could not stay calm. Unknown feelings were swirling around in him brewing up a small storm. He knew he could ask Varric or someone else about it, but it just did not feel right to do so.
Whenever he saw the inquisitor his feelings swirled around in a mix of happiness and worry. He had tried many times to pick up her thoughts and feelings, to test the water and see if she was angry but had got nothing.
She was as bright as always, to think that one of the things that had made him feel so safe in her present now made him feel uneasy.
Days passed and he found himself avoiding the inquisitor, whenever she came looking for him he hide. When she climbed the stairs to his place or called his name it always made his stomach twist. But whenever she left Skyhold he would stand on the battlement looking and waiting for her with a mix of worry and anticipation.
After some days she had stopped looking for him, it had made him feel even worse than when she did.
Had she forgot about him? Was she walking away? Leaving?
When she stopped looking for him he started to look for her. Carefully to not be seen, blending into the shadows or the crowd.
The inquisitor talked to Varric in the main hall, even thought it was crowded he could easily spot her.
She looked different; a small frown was present on her forehead and the smile was not like it used to be.
Worry started to bite in him as he noticed the dark rings under her eyes, was she not sleeping enough?
When she was done talking to Varric she left for her room, Cole was about to leave but stopped when someone called for him, it was Varric. He hesitated a bit but walked over to him.
“ Kid, listen I know I should just stay out of this but I think you should go and speak with the inquisitor about your feelings. I think you are driving her crazy.“ Varric said as he placed a hand on Coles back. He started to lead Cole towards the inquisitor’s room.
A sigh left the dwarf when Cole gave him a horrified look.
Was he making her feel bad? Was that the reason to why she stopped looking for him? He never wanted to make her feel bad.
“ This is something you have to do, for both of you. Neither of you will be able to return too normal if you don’t talk about it. Trust me kid. Now go.” Varric said while he opened the first door and pushed Cole over the doorstep. The door shut behind him and he felt how his body grew cold.
He climbed the stairs to the second door; it took a long time before he knocked.
His heart beat faster as the sound of steps on the other side of the door grew louder.
It felt like it was going to burst when the inquisitor opened the door and they stood face to face.
“ C.. Cole ? What are you doing here?” She asked with a surprised voice, there was a hint of nervousness in it too.
His first impulse was to hide his face under his big hat but he somehow managed to supress it.
“ Varric said I was driving you crazy ….. is it true? Is it because of what happened? ” He asked with as clear voice he could muster.
The inquisitor tensed up a bit at the question, she was the first to look away.
It made him feel very bad, like needles in the skin.
She asked him to come in so he stepped into her room, the sight of the bed made him remember what he had done and warmth spread up his neck.
They ended up sitting on it just like last time, silence surrounded them and the air felt thick.
“ Cole I want to know why you kissed me and ran away. And not only that, you have been avoiding me for days. Have I done something wrong? “ She asked and broke the silence.
“ No .. No you have not done anything wrong…. I just … there are… feelings inside of me.” He stuttered.
It felt like his whole body were going crazy, one moment warm and another ice cold.
The inquisitor raised a questioned eyebrow, but did not push for any explanation.
“ I … I…I’m not feeling like usual around you. It’s like a storm of mixed feeling. Some I never knew you could feel. Some very very scary.” He did not look at her instead he fixated his stare on the wall.
“ Scary ? What do you mean?” she asked with a whisper, afraid to scare him.
He shook his head and covered his eyes, there was yet another moment of silence.
“ I don’t … like it.. When others think about you in a certain way. Or being too close, or when you smile towards them. I want it to be only me, but why? Why do it disturb me so much that you are helping others? Like Cullen. He is in pain, I should want to help, and I SHOULD HELP. Yet I don’t like it, the time he spends alone with you. I don’t like how you gently touch him to make him feel safe and calm. I want it to be only me. See me, see only me. “ Words were flowing out like a waterfall he could not stop. Eyes still covered, he did not dare look at her. It felt like he must look ugly for the feeling felt ugly and bad.
The bed rustled and he felt how she was moving closer, two gently hands held his and uncovered his eyes. She gently removed his big hat and put it down next to him.
They sat so close, looking into each other’s eyes.
“ I do see you Cole, never worry about that, I will… “
“ BUT HOW ? How do you see me? Do you see me like I want to be seen?” Cole cut in with a loud voice. Without thinking he grabbed her hand and held it in his.
The inquisitor’s eyes widened but she did not pull back her hands; instead she leaned in closer and touched her forehead against his.
“I see you more than I see anyone else. After you kissed me I realised that. It hurt so much when you ran away and started to avoid me. It made me realise that there is no one I want to see as much as you.“ She calmly said looking into his sky blue eyes.
Her words and voice made something inside of him calm down. It was as if the storm inside of him vanished, and left behind was a feeling of pure happiness and calm.
He closed his eyes savouring the wonderful moment, but opened them again.
“ What is this feeling really called?” He asked curiously.
“ Love ,Cole. It’s called love”