More human, more feelings

WARNING! Cole's companion quest/background spoiler


The forgotten boy, demon or creepy were only some of the names people had called him his first weeks with the inquisition.  It had not bother Cole, as long as he was able to help and take away the hurt they could call him whatever they wanted.  
Slowly had the tension between him and the people in the inquisitor’s closest circle loosen.  Solas and the inquisitor were the only ones who had been comfortable around him from the start.
Solas for he knew his way around the fade, the inquisitor for ….she was she.
At first had he followed her for the sole reason to help as many as he could.
Now he followed her for some reason he could not really describe.
So many things had changed and one of them was he. After he had met the Templar who had killed Cole, had he become more grounded and human.
Feelings and emotions stuck to him more easily and he remembered more things.
Varric had helped him with a lot of things. It had felt weird to be the one who needed help at first, but then he had realised something. He had always received help, especially from the inquisitor. She had watched over him, watched as he turned to the dark and helped him back to the light again. Always watching, worrying and caring.  Whenever he had felt unsure or shaken by something had she been there, like a sudden rain in a desert.  
Refreshing, calming and life bringing, was her presence to him.  
He had noticed that she pretty much had the same effect on everyone else.  Sometimes it made him feel uneasy, that people liked her so easily. What if they would make her forget about him?  Even thought she had promised him to always remember.
Something did not feel right in him when he thought about the inquisitor spending time with others.
It felt even worst when he picked up the feeling of desire some of the men in Skyhold held for her.
Even Solas the bright and sad had let some thoughts of the inquisitor flick in his mind.  
Cole had not asked Varric what he felt was, he had not been able to. Varric had been busy writing letters to left and right.
Cole looked up; he had somehow ended up outside the inquisitor’s room.

Cullen’s voice rang through the air and it felt like something stabbed him.

“ I’m sorry to always bother you Inquisitor, I know you barley have any free time…. I…I’m .. just thankful that you allow me this time with you to find some peace.”  

“Cullen you know you are always welcomed here. I want to help you going through this. Come back whenever you want. ”

The voice of the inquisitor was warm and caring, it did not make Cole feel any better. That warmth was meant for someone else than him. He did not know why but it hurt to think that the inquisitor cared so much for someone else.
He took a step back into the shadows and did his best to not be noticed.  Cullen walked past him in a rush; Cole saw that his cheeks were red.  Cole narrowed his eyes when some parts of Cullen’s thoughts made its way to him.

“ Cole? Why are you hiding in a corner? Why don’t you come in?”

Cole looked down on his feet, hiding his eyes under the big hat. He slowly started to walk towards her.  It felt as the time slowed down when he walked past the inquisitor into her room. The scent of her filled the room but it was mixed with Cullen’s.  
He must have stayed for a long time and it annoyed Cole for some reason.  Something felt like it was drowning inside of him; it made his stomach feel weird and heart heavy. Each breath he took felt heavy and painful. Cole did not like this strange feeling, it felt bad and sick.
He saw how the inquisitor sat down on her bed and waited for him to do the same.  She stood up and walked towards him when he did not do the same.

“ Cole is something wrong?  You seem a bit paler than usual, do you feel sick?”  

Cole tried to turn around to leave the room but the inquisitor took his hand and held it steady but gentle.

“ Perhaps you should lay down for a bit. “

He let the inquisitor lead him to her bed, let her pull him down on the soft bed close to her. The hat came off when he lied down.  The inquisitor was leaning over him, her forehead touching his.  
She was so close that he could feel her warm breath on his lips.  A sweet and tingling feeling in his body mixed with the bad feeling.
Her lips were so close to his and yet the distance between them seemed unbearable to him.  Before he knew it he gently and quickly touched hers lips with his.  He saw how her eyes widened as she pulled back a bit.

“ Cole?” Her voice was shaking.

Cole touched his lips with his finger as he hastily sat up and left the room in a hurry.
He walked with fast steps; it felt like a fire was spreading from his lips.  He welcomed the mountain air when he reached the courtyard.
He did not know why he had done that.  She had been so close but still not close enough for him.
Something in his chest beat like a battle drum, loud and quickly.